Just a short ramble this week, er…month? When was the last time I posted?
Anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out, if you read any post on this blog, that neither Hoff nor myself get it nearly as regularly as we’d like. Hands, fleshlites, and socks don’t count. But I’ve been giving it some thought lately and I’ve come to realize how overrated it is and I’ve got 3 good reasons to support this position. Please, stay with me here…
- It’s messy. Ever try to clean chewing gum out of your hair? Cleaning…something else…out of hair can be just as maddening. Though admittedly, as a (hetero) guy, I generally don’t care. Once it’s out, it’s her problem…amirite guys? But seriously, sex is messy. It’s juicy, or moist (I put this word in for one person in particular…you know who you are and you’re welcome), and often times bodily fluids of some random nature are gushed or squirting all over the place. To quote one of the hotel maids in Augusta, GA…I ain’t cleaning that up.
- It takes time. Okay, now maybe this is just me, but I’m not really the kind of person into a 3 minute quickie. Sure it’s got a time and a place, but if I’m going to do this (see: clean up) I like to take my time. I had two great nights with a girl (in a previous life it seems). One was 9 hours, one was 7 hours. That’s what I’m talking about. But really..
I guess on the positive side, it does burn calories, but not nearly enough. Plus, I’ve got laundry to do, and I guess if I don’t mow my grass to an acceptable height, my neighbors mow it (and I’m trying to let it grow so I can hit it with weed killer…) so there’s that, and at some point I really need to clean the house, and do work projects and pay bills and…the list goes on and on. Is it worth it? Meh… - It’s risky! For a guy like me, we risk physically and financially. Financially, obviously the risk is pregnancy. If you’ve got kids, you know…that shit is expensive! You go to Chick-fil-A thinking “Oh I’ll get the kid some nuggets!” and you spend like $23 (because I have to eat, too) and then the kid eats the waffle fries and leaves the nuggets. What a waste…so then you eat them so as not to waste the goodness of nuggets and gain weight. Fuck, their nuggets are so good. I want some now, but it’s Sun—shit it’s Monday! NUGGETS! Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, sex is overrated…
What the fuck am I talking about? Sex is amazing! Go have some! God, I’m such a liar.
