Whelp, I guess since Hoff posted, I should post too. Hello there again! It’s Plonker! *insert theme song here*
We’re down in beautiful Charlotte, NC (Pineville, actually) to visit Carowinds on the 2nd leg of our Cedar Fair Park Parade!
Alright, so we didn’t really call it that but maybe we should’ve. We’re seriously lacking readers, followers, subscribers…people paying attention to us.
Earlier this spring, or maybe it was last winter, we decided to come up with something to entertain ourselves. Nobody else does (usually), and we’re simple-minded assholes, so we gave it a shot. I came up with the idea that we’d incorporate two of our amusement park enjoyments: roller coasters, and cinnabon. Have you had cinnabon? Cinnabon is the reason why I don’t understand women. Why aren’t you all swallowing? Seriously! These cinnabons are COVERED in the stuff and it’s DELICIOUS! Right, Hoff?
…Hoff? Back me up here.
Anyway, so our idea was to make it a bit of a bet. So we decided that we’d make it a game to see who can go the longest without grabbing the restraints on the rides. Whoever grabs first, buys the cinnabon. Over time we’ve modified it, I think now we’re going to just keep a tally and buy that number when the time is right. For example, if I grab my bar once and Hoff grabs his 19 times, he’d buy me 19 cinnabons and I’d buy him 1. Pretty neat idea, and as we’re both pussies, we figured we’d end up drowning in cinnamon and sugar. One thing we didn’t consider was that we’re reasonably competitive. No, we’re not going to go run a 5k and set a world record, but we’re also apparently not about to grab the bars when it feels like we’re flying out of the restraints.
Seriously. So far, we haven’t graded for the bars a single time. That includes riding Diamondback at King’s Island like two or three times (lots of air time), Beast also at King’s Island (not a lot of air time, but it’s hell on your back), Mystic Timbers also also at King’s Island (air time), and my favorite Fury 325 at Carowinds twice. Yeah, we both feel a lot of movement in the seats, and it would be nice to be able to click the bars one extra click on the lift hill, but the rules are: no touching the bars between leaving the station and entering the final brake.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve been close. Yesterday, I almost grabbed Hoff’s bar restraint roller coaster seat safety restraint system. We’ve both had situations of absentmindedly almost grabbing on, whether to readjust or whatnot… but I’m starving over here! I want some fucking cinnabon! I mean, I’m not truly “starving”. Yeah, my body could choose to eat the fat surrounding my ass or tits and I’d be fine for a month or two, but I still want cinnabon.
So when you hear us talk about cinnabon, or not grabbing the bar, or “no hands” and all that, we’re referring to this stupid “contest”.
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So then we have other stupid shit we do to keep us entertained. Those of you who ever went to Geauga Lake (RIP), particularly later in its life when it went from Six Flags to Cedar Fair and then had that Water Kingdom thing, might recall a coaster called “X-Flight”. It was later moved to King’s Island and is called something like free hawk or firethorn…no, wait…that’s a hole at Augusta National…. Anyway, we rode it. They have a version here called free hawk or firethorn or…fuck, those are the same names I thought the other one was.
Anyway, so we rode it. But you do kind of get the sensation you’re flying, and in the case of Carowinds, you also get the sensation that the entire car is going to rattle apart, so we decided to sing Joey Scarbury’s “Believe it or Not”. Yeah, the one from Greatest American Hero. I’m dating myself with that reference, in fact I’m almost positive the only two times I saw it, it was probably a syndicated rerun by the time I came along, but I don’t give a fuck.
If you haven’t heard Hoffenplonker Musik Band, we’re pretty bad! I mean, we’re not like Taylor Swift bad, but we’re pretty bad. So that should be interesting when we finally start doing that, hopefully today.
Anyway, I suppose that’s all I have for now. Tune in next week. There probably won’t be a post, but tune in anyway. Also, tell your friends about us, please.
Later.
