Alcohol Consumption: An experiment by Hoff n’ Plonker

Hello again everybody. It’s Wednesday (evening) and , which means we have one more full day left of our “vacation” before we begin our 180 mile bike ride back home.

Spoiler Alert:

Neither of us wants to go back.

I know, I know, that’s a complete shocker (giggity) but it’s true. We definitely have no desire to go back home, and at the same time I think we’ve had quite enough of Sandusky. Today we took the day off so we could relax a bit (long lines wear you down…and my feet have blisters and they hurt) and just hung out around town.

This post is actually being typed up while we’re sitting at the bar. Hoff is having a Miller Lite, I’m enjoying a Margie and I ordered us a Cherry Bomb. Let the games begin!

I actually took the time to shave my melon today. Considering the fact that I only had one blade left and was using “normal” shaving foam, it went well but it did take a while. Well over an hour. Luckily, we had nowhere to be.

After shaving and making myself presentable, Hoff suggested a trip to the mall since we both would like to buy new shoes. I can’t speak for Hoff, but I’m basically walking in my bare feet. The soles can’t be more than 1/8” thick at this point. I’m sure that can’t be good for you. So off to the mall we went.

After walking in we both commented that it didn’t seem as dead as we thought it would, that they in fact seemed to have more businesses than we expected (or rather “experienced”) from our mall days. Sadly, Plonker used to work in a mall and Hoff has once or twice been inside a mall…neither of us like to relive those memories.

We walked down the hall, past Things Unnecessary, and found Payless shoes. After a brief encounter (we walked in, saw the men’s shoes in our approximate size, and left after commenting that we could order from Amazon) we walked down the other hallway end of the mall and promptly left. It looked like the Red Cross was setting up a blood drive, but that didn’t interest either of us. Off we were to…drive around until we found something to do.

(At this point, our first shot has arrived…this text left for later reference…)

FInd something, we did. If you’ve ever been to Margaritaville, you’d love like The ORIGINAL Margaritaville. Please, don’t confuse Margaritaville with The Original Margaritaville. They’re…not even close to the same. Luckily, almost every booth was open by the waterfall and we were seated as far away from it as you can possibly get. Still, I had a Miller Lite and Fried Green Tomatoes while Hoff had a Mango Mojito and Cajun Pork Rhinds. Also, while we were eating I decided to troll Hoff a bit. I signed up for one of those Touchtunes accounts and played “mmmbop”, Toto’s “Africa”, ‘I really like you’, and ‘I want it that way’. I played it off reasonably well that it was just music I was enjoying, but I’m sure he figured it out. Unfortunately, there’s no Touchtunes here or I’d serenade the whole bar with some Rebecca Black.

After the appetizer and drink, we decided to do some bar hopping. Hoff then chose Outback Steakhouse for our next adventure. We had success on our first trip here. I think I was playing DD then as well, but Hoff seemed to enjoy himself ordering drinks at the bar from the hottie (Alexis I think?). This time, things proved a bit differently. I ordered my usual (club soda, lime) and Hoff had what looked like a delicious girly drink (that’s not an insult, I like them also). In fact, it was so good he had a second. He also ordered the Mac n cheese bites, I got wings with ranch. Of course, they delivered them with blue cheese (I have a mild allergy) so I had to wait to eat. By the time I finally got my ranch, he was done eating and well into his second drink. But I don’t feel too bad for him…he had entertainment! There was the guy across from us that couldn’t hear, and the guy behind him that was hacking up a giant snotball and for some reason couldn’t understand how adding a salad to an entree works. Yes, you’re correct…we were the youngest people there by 30 years. Minimum. Our tab paid, we were off to the next adventure.

…do you like movies?

That’s Hoff’s latest battle cry. After he recommended the 2016 hit, “Swiss Army Man” to me (it’s bad…) he started using his line. I think it would be a good pickup line and he should use it. Ladies, leave your comments on that below!

We decided to hit a movie up but the only thing playing within the next 2 hours was Slender Man. After reading the reviews we begrudgingly went. As luck would have it, we got matinee pricing (less than $6) so after snacks I was out around $40 (Hoff has moved on to beer #2 at this point in the typing). Guise, I have to tell ya…this made Swiss Army Man seem like a blockbuster. Slender Man has the production qualities of a B-level porno film and the perceived runtime of Schindler’s List. So anyway, after this abortion of a film and eating all the snacks (or most…some of them…) we decided to head back to the hotel rooms to puke, reset, and head to the bar.

That brings you to now. Somehow I’ve managed to stay sober enough (I said “enough”..) to type a coherent post while still eating my Pork Corn Cakes (zomg) and enjoying a Margie. A few more things for me to do tonight. I still need to get an Australian visa for an upcoming work trip, do some online training, and at some point I’ll probably rub one out. So all in all, it’s been a typical day for me.

Comment below, make sure you follow us on Instagram and Twitter @Fujupz.

Until next time, see ya.

About Plonker

Plonker is a balding, middle-aged, overweight male who hasn't exactly set the world on fire. In his "spare time", he can usually be found walking around his house completely stark naked, either eating something or touching himself. And, Ladies...he's single. Get at him! But not fat chicks. Okay, fat chicks.
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