So now we’re insufferable douchenozzles

Yes, that’s right.  We’ve moved up from just “asshole” to “insufferable douchenozzle”!

Hello there, Fujupz Fanz!  All…two of you.  Seriously, can you tell a friend about us?  We’re good looking, fit, in shape, successful, intelligent, funny guys.  There’s got to be someone out there that would read this and think “hey, I should give them money!”

Yes, that’s an open invitation to send money.  The Lord wants us to have a private jet.  If you don’t understand that reference, click here.  But read my post first.

Anyway, back to today’s rant, and I’m taking time out of my work day to do this.  I’m actually sitting at my desk, with the other ‘desktops’ hidden and my browser open to type this.  I hope you appreciate the sacrifice..  We’re officially beyond assholes.  A few years ago we added cycling to our “routine”, and now we’re vegetarians.  Yes, that’s right, for the last 18 months we’ve gone vegetarians.

Nope.

Day and a half.

…I already want to kill myself.

Seriously, I’m doing this all wrong.  Well, okay so I’m doing it “right” (for an “ovo-vegetarian” anyway, since I eat eggs…) but it still sucks.  I don’t know how people do this!  Yesterday, I had eggs (with cheese) and toast for breakfast, cheese for lunch, and … yeah you don’t have to read back.  I had cheese for lunch.  6.05 ounces of mozzarella.  Look, it was 400 calories and I had to eat it before it went bad.  At least I didn’t have crackers!  Anyway, that left me with enough calories for a ton of angel hair (My favorite pasta) and sauce for dinner.  I think it was 6oz uncooked/dry (and that’s a lot when it cooks…try it).

Today was a bit better, though it’s only 10:45 am as I type this.  I’m on my 3rd cup of coffee and have had a 2-egg, green pepper omelet (that fell apart when I flipped it) with one slice of “cheese” (that craft singles stuff is semi-fake, so it’s in quotes) and two slices of whole wheat toast (with butter…wompwomp).  It was good, pretty tasty.  I cook eggs typically with dill, salt and pepper for flavor.  The salt (just a pinch this time) really helped bring out the bell pepper flavor.  I just wish there was more.  I guess that feeling is why I need to lose 720 pounds.

Okay, so I don’t really need to lose 720 pounds, but I did read that for every 20-30# you lose, your dick looks an inch bigger.  So my goal is 720#.

For lunch today it’s a big salad.  A whole bag of that premixed stuff is about 50 calories, and I’ve got some croutons, some light ranch dressing, green olives, mozzarella cheese…it’s going to be just shy of 500 calories but I do enjoy these big salads.  I end up needing to use a large mixing bowl they’re so big.  I was thinking about it and having a large lunch is probably a good idea so maybe I’ll feel less hungry at dinner.

Anyway, that’s enough food diary information for now.  I guess Hoff and I need to get some of those tight spandex bike “kits” and every time we stop on trips we can ask the cashier at the convenient store “is this water vegetarian?  I’m a vegetarian now.  I only eat vegetarian waters.” or something like that.  Hey, speaking of bike kits, we could do fujupz custom uniforms.  Send your money now!  You can also send nudes, but those will be used for different purposes.

Ladies, you can send yours to plonker@fujupz.com

Men, those go to hoff@fujupz.com

The whole point of this ridiculous “experiment” is that we’re both behind on our weight loss (again) after getting ahead for about 5-6 weeks.  It’s ridiculous!  We do so well…then we suck (no homo)…I really want to ride Steel Vengeance but I need to lose the gut or the seat won’t let me in.  I can still fit maverick, which is great because I do love that ride.  I think it’s the speed and being low to the ground makes it seem faster.  Also I love airtime, which brings me back to Steel Vengeance.  I need to lose enough to fit into the seat and not be so fat that I’m wedged in tight enough to negate the air time.  Money would help the weight loss.

Alright, I need to go find some free range, grass fed, organic, vegan coffee..or some such bullshit.  Basically, it’s back to work for Plonker, your favorite vegetarian jackass.

Later, bitchez!