Sex is overrated

Just a short ramble this week, er…month?  When was the last time I posted?

Anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out, if you read any post on this blog, that neither Hoff nor myself get it nearly as regularly as we’d like.  Hands, fleshlites, and socks don’t count.  But I’ve been giving it some thought lately and I’ve come to realize how overrated it is and I’ve got 3 good reasons to support this position.  Please, stay with me here…

  1. It’s messy.  Ever try to clean chewing gum out of your hair?  Cleaning…something else…out of hair can be just as maddening.  Though admittedly, as a (hetero) guy, I generally don’t care.  Once it’s out, it’s her problem…amirite guys?  But seriously, sex is messy.  It’s juicy, or moist (I put this word in for one person in particular…you know who you are and you’re welcome), and often times bodily fluids of some random nature are gushed or squirting all over the place.  To quote one of the hotel maids in Augusta, GA…I ain’t cleaning that up.
  2. It takes time.  Okay, now maybe this is just me, but I’m not really the kind of person into a 3 minute quickie.  Sure it’s got a time and a place, but if I’m going to do this (see: clean up) I like to take my time.  I had two great nights with a girl (in a previous life it seems).  One was 9 hours, one was 7 hours.  That’s what I’m talking about.  But really..

    I guess on the positive side, it does burn calories, but not nearly enough.  Plus, I’ve got laundry to do, and I guess if I don’t mow my grass to an acceptable height, my neighbors mow it (and I’m trying to let it grow so I can hit it with weed killer…) so there’s that, and at some point I really need to clean the house, and do work projects and pay bills and…the list goes on and on.  Is it worth it?  Meh…
  3. It’s risky!  For a guy like me, we risk physically and financially.  Financially, obviously the risk is pregnancy.  If you’ve got kids, you know…that shit is expensive!  You go to Chick-fil-A thinking “Oh I’ll get the kid some nuggets!” and you spend like $23 (because I have to eat, too) and then the kid eats the waffle fries and leaves the nuggets.  What a waste…so then you eat them so as not to waste the goodness of nuggets and gain weight.  Fuck, their nuggets are so good.  I want some now, but it’s Sun—shit it’s Monday!  NUGGETS!  Wait, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah, sex is overrated…

What the fuck am I talking about?  Sex is amazing!  Go have some!  God, I’m such a liar.

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The 2nd Annual Fujupz Bike Trip

I’m finally writing this up on the first day of the return trip. It’s been a busy week – 2 days bike riding, 5 days in Sandusky, and what will be 2 days riding again. Tomorrow will be the last day of the trip and hopefully the route isn’t garbage.

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July flew by

This was a quick month. With the Kings Island trip moved up from July 21-23 to June 30- July 3, that left open a free weekend for July 21-23.
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This is the essence of Fujupz

For the last couple months we had the plan of going to Kings Island in Mason, Ohio around the 20th of July. We purchased Cedar Fair Platinum Passes (and the unlimited drink pass) for the first time this year, which if you didn’t know lets you visit any Cedar Fair park for free. This gives us a reason to think of any excuse to visit a park any time even the slighted possibility pops up.

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Can’t we just have ideas magically come to fruition?

It appears Plonker has been kicking my ass with blog updates, and believe me he won’t shut up about it.

So what’s been happening in the world of Hoff and Fujupz HQ? Actually Fujupz doesn’t have an HQ. Fujupz be errrvrywhere! And by errrvrywhere I mean at work and Studio P. That would be Plonker’s Fujupz Studio for those not in the know. Studio H… well Studio H is just a fart in the breeze at this point. Studio P is coming along nicely, however. In true Fujupz tradition plans have changed 50 times, some for the better! But mostly we’re flying by the seats of our pants. Flying may not be the correct term, as that makes it sound like we’re moving faster than a snails pace. I’d say it’s more “sprinting”. When we get moving we can accomplish things quickly… for short periods of time, and with long pauses in between. That’s a throw back to high school’s 2 am rush to complete reports on time.

Plans for Studio P include recordings, drinking, and retro video games. Will it be entertaining? ehhh…

Don’t kill our dreams damn it! When we started this site as a spur of the moment 3 am rush to judgement, I had one simple mission in mind… Register the site and figure out what to do with it later. Clearly I’m not great at updating the site, but I can only blame one thing. My laziness? No. I blame the website software I was using. Clearly I just need shit more streamlined. Pfft, my laziness. As if.

Articles and how to’s. That was one of the ideas I originally had for the site. Also was having a blog called “Fat Guys Ride” which would log Plonker and I’s bicycle rides. Although we did write ups for last year’s Sandusky Ride, we thought talking about our standard ride days would be way too boring to write about. I mean, have the time we barely have the motivation to actually go for a bike ride because it’s so boring doing the same routes over and over again. How to’s were going to be articles about whatever project I happened to be working on at the time. I took a lot of pictures for them, but never got around to actually writing any up. I feel that how to articles aren’t the best way to go. I’m more of a visual/hands on learner. And rarely does anything go as well as it seems in a write up. No, write ups won’t work. Video on the other hand. Yes, I bought a video camera. And as soon as I learn how to turn it on, you too will be able to take part in my constant frustration as nothing goes to plan and everything turns to shit!

Also updates to the site. Probably going to stop using the third party program, and focus on the Blog and Videos. And Twitter. And Instagram. Eh, I’ll figure something out.

And we have our 2nd Annual Sandusky Bike Ride coming up! Feel free to join for the 140 mile trip from Brookfield to Sandusky, Ohio! But preferably not if you’re annoying. And preferably if you are a beautiful woman with beautiful women friends. The 3rd annual trip ideas are already floating around, and if it all works out will be twice as long time wise and nearly 5 times as long mileage wise. Not bad for a couple of fat guys.

Speaking of fat guys, we’re not against trying to lose weight. We did the Advocare 24 day Challenge a year or so ago. Well I did. I don’t think Plonker ever completed all 24 days any time he’s tried it. As such, and since carrying an extra 30 to 100 pounds makes it much more difficult to peddle long distances, we’re back at it! Good lord, no, not with Advocare. Through hard work, moderation, and exercise!…  which is what I would say if we had any real ambition.

We find that we need to lose weight. But we don’t feel like doing anything that would help burn the weight. And we both like to eat. So that’s a combination for disaster. What we needed were rewards.

We could not think of any rewards to help motivate up to lose weight. “Lose ten pounds and the reward is “X” (hypothetical thing, not the drug). But, there turns out to be nothing out that with a strong enough pull to get us motivated to limit food intake, and increase exercise…. except money.

Since we couldn’t find anyone willing to pay us to lose weight we had to resort to a “fine” system. The agreement is to lose 2 pounds a week. With each week being a new goal weight (as to not allow yo-yoing the same 2 pounds for 10 years… Plonker). As long as you reach the goal weight for the week (Target days are Mondays) you’re good. But if you miss the goal weight you’re fined $20. Plonker set himself with extra motivation of having a $1000 pot for himself. He misses a goal, he loses $20 from the pot. For every goal after reaching 180 pounds he gets $50. And once he reached 165 pounds he’ll get whatever is left in the pot.

So far we hit the first weeks goal early, with me hitting my first 2 weeks goals within a few days. However, I gained it back in one weekend. So, now I have until the 3rd week to lose 6 pounds. See how that works? Good.

At the end whatever fine money is collected will go to charity or something that doesn’t benefit us. So they’ll either get nothing or a huge donation. Fujupz only works on extremes.

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